“Let us then fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in good time for every need.”

Hebrews 4:16, AMP

Boldly.

Not Brittany.

Okay, that is not the exact Google definition but… it could be a valid option-

Meanwhile, boldly as defined by the Google dictionary is to do, or approach or be in a courageous or confident way… showing a willingness to take risks… so confident as to be presumptuous –

So confident as to be presumptuous– do you know how the Google dictionary defines presumptuous, I’ll tell you-

Presumptuous- (a person or their behavior) failing to observe the limits of what is permitted or appropriate.

Oh my.

A presumptuous confidence. A fearless boldness.

I confess from past experiences, I’m not the one who is generally 1. presumptuously confident or 2. fearlessly bold. At least not on purpose. I am an observer, a listener, a mediator but very rarely an instigator.

Unless, I am in trusted company.

Which is why the buddy system is important to me- I need the initial contact. The person who will meet me by the door, take my hand and be my reference, both for me to others and for others to me.

My “I am here because this person wanted me here.”

And my “I am speaking to you/ joining the conversation because this person assured me there was a place for me here.”

Now, why did I think this momentary inner reflection warranted a blog post?

Because, that verse up top, Hebrews 4:16- hit me on a day when I needed it most.

It was a “moment”, one where I was sitting contemplating my prayer v. …you know… praying.

Feeling as if instead of initiating direct communication, I should -and was- composing a very well thought-out letter, that would politely arrive, quietly and without causing disruption…

I wondered in my prayer thoughts how, in that moment, I could ever dream of venturing into the throne room. I see it and it is light, and warmth and peace. It is bright and whole and I see everyone inside is a reflection of that space, not physically but in presence. A reflection of the Father who is intently speaking to those there, nobody is left to the side alone.

I also imagine laughter because a space so wonderful cannot be without laughter.

I didn’t think I could make it past the gate. How could the mess I am trespass into that perfection?

As much as I longed to go inside, I couldn’t imagine I would do anything but soil it. But if I could just slip that “letter” through the bars, certainly it would arrive in due time…

And then Hebrews 4:16… preempted by these words in Hebrews 4:15, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses…”

And in that moment Jesus met me at the gate.

My “I am here because this person wanted me to be here” person. And my “this person said there was a place for me here” person.

And I know he smiled. And I know he took my hand. And I know we went straight to the throne.

Because in that next moment as I spilled everything within me out, my sobbing turned to laughter, my uncertainty to peace and every doubt to dust.

And in the possibility that I may not be the only one who has moments where boldness is lacking and presumption is lost in a sea of tears- this is just a note to encourage you- call your person.

He’s waiting.

And He’ll meet you at the gate.

Photo by Brandy Willetts